Windows 95... the bane of our society? The coming of the apocalypse? Heck, just wait till Windows 98 hits the stands!!! Oh wait... It did! Well, either way you'll need to install it or worse sooner or later. Here's how...
STEP ONE... Insert the Windows 95 CD.
STEP TWO... Run the setup program located on your CD-ROM drive.
STEP THREE... Pray
STEP FOUR... Pray more. Once just wasn't good enough!
STEP FIVE... Keep on pray'in (I hope you are a religious person... do you keep kosher?).
STEP SIX... All right all right already. You can stop praying because your praying didn't do you any GOOD! We all know any Microsoft product is unholy! Time to reboot your computer five or six times before you realize that the CD didn't work and your backup requires your old operating system...and now you're stuck. Time to stop being cheap with silly upgrading! You have to go off to the computer store and purchase an entirely new computer. Now don't worry, in the end it is all for the better you know. By buying a new computer, you boost the local economy and boost the size of our lord gates's pockets.
STEP SEVEN... Have a nice day.
Well, we all know what the big news with Microsoft is today don't we? Microsoft has decided that Windows 95 is not to be sold without including the infamous Microsoft Internet Exploiter! Well, Netscape is not too fond of this idea because, with Explorer on your computer, why bother getting Netscape in the first place? Netscape brought this case to the justice dept., and our lord gates has been arguing and debating against them. Well, if you happen to on the Netscape web page, all you'll see is instructions on how to uninstall Microsoft Internet Exploiter and install Netscape Communicator. Here's the EASY way to do it...
STEP ONE... Go to Netscape.COM
STEP TWO... Download Netscape Communicator.
STEP THREE... Install Communicator and watch the sparks fly as it attempts not to conflict with Microsoft Products, already loaded on your system.
STEP FOUR... Watch as our lord Gates taps into your system using advanced technology brought back in time by a bad Voyager Episode and deleted Netscape from your computer. We refer to Our Lord Gates with undying fear and respect.
STEP FIVE...All right all right already. We all know any Microsoft product is unholy! Time to reboot your computer five or six times before you realize that the Install CD didn't work and your backup just won't work ...and now you're stuck. Time to stop being cheap with silly new software! You have to go off to the computer store and purchase an entirely new computer. Now don't worry, in the end it is all for the better you know. By buying a new computer, you boost the local economy and boost the size of our lord gates'es pockets.
STEP SIX... Have a nice day.
We all know that Americans love to make money, and the best way to do that is when you fool people into not really thinking who is getting the money that they shell out for their silly consumer products. For more information on this topic write to Bill Gates, but keep in mind he'll suck your brain right out of your right ear if you let him. Also keep in mind that he'll ask you to buy his Internet Explorer 4.0, which by the rights of all that is holy and good, should never have been allowed to be produced. None the less, we must remember what people back in the seventies called him... "Hey you! Nerd-face!".
STEP ONE... Mass market a new operating system and use it to take over the entire software industry.
STEP TWO... Force all computers to have your programs Pre-loaded, so that your operating system becomes required.
STEP THREE... Change the standard once every three years by making a new and more horrific operating system.
STEP FOUR... See step three, but first force people to buy a new system.
STEP FIVE... Have a nice day.
You see, some people (like most Jocks) have uncontrollably slow synapses (this helps them play Sports such as foot Ball because when they are hurt they do not feel the pain until the following week.) , there by making it a next to impossible task to click in on place twice in the same amount of time it takes to get out of the price club!
STEP ONE... We're not going to tell you. This is sooooo obvious, and if you don't already realize, you might as well go to Microsoft and pay the insanely priced Microsoft double Clicker for windows. (Actually don't bother... It'll be standard in two months).
STEP TWO... If you are a normal person have a nice day but if you clicked above, or are incredibly stupid or a Jock (wait, isn't that Redundant?) Go to h- eee- double hockey sticks.